Eric Clapton was desperate to see India's Sachin Tendulkar score his 100th international hundred at Lord's. Photograph: Brian Rasic/Rex FeaturesThe richly entertaining fans' website Middlesex Till We Die has an amusing glossary of nicknames for their heroes, ranging from the inspired "Dial M" for Tim Murtagh, to the more run-of-the-mill "Iceman" for Gareth Berg. Dawid Malan is "AC" after Inter's neighbours, Dan Housego is "The Estage Agent", Adam London "Streets Of", Neil Dexter "Ted" (but there is a campaign The Nursery End backs to rename him "Uni" in memory of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's Tarzan audition sketch One Leg Too Few) and Paul Stirling is "Pounds". One, however, may need an update. Andrew Strauss is known as "OBE", as in "only bats for England". "Obeas" would be more fitting now, "only bats for England and Somerset", or "ZZ Top" from "Zummerzet's Ztrauzz".
When Charl Willoughby dismissed Worcestershire's Saeed Ajmal on Wednesday morning it registered his 339th first-class wicket for Somerset. A rather arbitrary milestone for a celebration, you would think, but not when you consider that it took him past Joel Garner's career-haul of 338 wickets for the club and Willoughby has surpassed it in fewer matches. The South African, who has not missed a match for five years, said: "I have always wanted to get past those figures and I managed them with games to spare." One thing he will never better, though, is Big Bird's wit. Once when the fast bowler was approached by an admirer, he was asked the very question that he fielded numerous times each day. "Mr Garner," she asked. "How tall are you?" "I'm 6ft 8in," he replied. "And is everything in proportion?" was the saucy followup. "Oh no," Garner said. "If it was I'd be 8ft 6in."
Eric Clapton made his annual pilgrimage to Lord's for the first Test against India and was spotted alongside his friends Sir Ian Botham and Wasim Akram. "Eric loves his cricket and he was hoping for Sachin to get that hundred," Akram revealed. "'Will Sachin get it?' he kept asking me. 'I thought you would be backing England,' I said, and he replied: 'No, no. I want to see him score that hundred'." Tendulkar is a Dire Straits man, meeting his idol Mark Knopfler in Mumbai in 2005, giving him a signed bat with the local hero receiving an autographed guitar in return. For Clapton, Tendulkar's illness and inability to score that 100th hundred became a case of money for nothing .
Matthew Hayden has announced that he is coming out of retirement to play for Brisbane Heat in Australia's Twenty20 Big Bash competition. "Now is the time to start turning up the Heat," the 39-year-old opener cheesily pronounced before explaining why he has also chosen to make an investment and become a part-owner of the franchise in a welter of barking business speak. "T20 brings a new energy to the sporting landscape in a space I refer to as entertainment," Brent … er … Hayden said. "An eight-team Big Bash league has relaunched my interest as a highly viable business decision." He will line up alongside Heat imports Daniel Vettori and Brendon McCullum, and has said he would love to have Andrew Symonds on board. The Brisbane Times points out one stumbling block to that dream team. In 2009 during a radio interview with Roy and HG, Symonds called McCullum "a lump of shit". Add "s-bomb disposal expert" to Hayden's already chunky portfolio.
One player who won't be taking part in the Big Bash is Australia's Test and 50-overs captain, Michael Clarke. Another casualty of his decision to focus on the responsibilities of leading Australia's revival is his long-standing contract with Bond's, the underwear manufacturer, which has featured Pup in his undercrackers in a series of adverts. His management team apparently feel that posing in underpants is not the right image for the man charged with upholding the honour of the Baggy Green. The emperor's new clothes he wears as part of his new job, however, are fine by them.
The Cheltenham Festival match between Gloucestershire and Nottinghamshire was graced by what John Arlott memorably once called a "freaker". The mystery exhibitionist jumped out of this seat, sprinted across the pitch twice and returned to the stands unmolested by security staff. Cue Somerset fans' quip about him getting away with it at Gloucestershire because there were no witnesses.
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